Hello there, class! Welcome to another exciting lesson on this spooktacular day! Remember last week (or some other random date) when I told you I had plenty of positive stories and lessons to share about online dating? Well, before we get into today's lesson, I'm going to share some wonderful news with you. My brother recently became engaged to an amazing woman named Krista. And these two crazy kids just so happened to meet on eHarmony. If I could have hand-picked a sister, she would be it. They're a perfect match for each other, and I know without question theirs will be a love that lasts a lifetime. Plus, I might have already purchased toys for their future children, so it sure as hell better last. I'm gonna be the bestest aunt EVAH!
Anyway, speaking of Krista, my future sis-in-law, today's lesson in online dating is inspired by her. We call it 'The Eight Rules of First Dates'.
Rule #1: The guy should come to you. This is an ironclad rule. But never, ever let him pick you up at your house. Because I might have done that once, and he might have talked for like an hour to my roommates, and we might have missed our reservation because Chatty (with the girlish voice) couldn't shut up. Solution: Meet him at the chosen location.
Rule #2: Try to wrap the date up at the one hour mark (max 2.5 hours). Leave them wanting more. If it lasts longer than that, you won't have any material for the next date. True story. Then you'll have to be like me and start writing out scripts on your hands. No one wants to see that.
Rule #3: Never go to a coffee shop because it de-sexualizes the relationship. I have no idea what that means, but Krista told me to write it. Always go for a drink (besides coffee). It helps to break the ice.
Rule #4: Always overdress for a date because even if it doesn't work out, you want to leave them thinking they went out with a hot piece of ass. What if I just go naked? Same diff?
Rule #5: The girl should be willing to pay. However, most guys are on their best behaviour for a first date, so if he doesn't reach for the bill then that's kind of a bad sign. One of those 'get out while you still can' signs. Just sayin'....
Okay, personally? I wouldn't go on a second date with a guy who didn't at least offer to pay for the first. There. I said it. I may be a cheapskate, but I'm an old fashioned cheapskate.
Rule #6: Never make plans on a Monday for a Thursday date. There's too much of a time gap. There's too much uncertainty. If you want to build anticipation, Wednesday evening will do the trick. So will the promise of bowling. Mmhmm.
Rule #7: Guys need to take the initiative. Never say to a girl, "I'm not familiar with your area. What do you suggest?" Um, he can Google. Make a reservation or choose a nice place. It's not rocket science. 'Familiar with your area?' *giggles*
Rule #8: No Sunday dates. Period. Tuesday, Thursday, and Friday night are excellent date nights. Saturdays are best for second dates. And no one wants to date on a Monday, because, seriously, we all have a case of the Mondays on Monday. Friday night I crashed your party. Saturday I said I'm sorry. Sunday came and trashed me out again...Sorry, I got the Billy Joel fevah.
Okay, so that concludes our fifth lesson! Many thanks to Krista for her contributions! Next week I have a very special guest who'll be sharing her story of how she met her husband online. They fell in love, even though they were an ocean apart. Stay tuned! :)